Releasing Old Patterns

Today we celebrated Samhain, which is a time of releasing old patterns and clearing the way for new, productive thoughts, actions, patterns. Today was good for me because I've really been focusing on the heart chakra and letting go of old expectations. I've been having lots of pains in that area. I'm working on releasing so much right now.

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own.

Day 40

• 1 c. hot jasmine green tea with honey
• 2 c. Strawberry Pudding (avocados, bananas, frozen strawberries, stevia, coconut flakes, chia seeds)
• 1 c. hot decaf chia tea with stevia
• 3 c. of kale salad (kale, tomatoes, cucumber, avocado, hemp seeds, sunflower seeds, olives, mushrooms, sprouts) with Garlic Sesame Dressing (sesame seeds, olive oil, balsamic vinegar, garlic, spring water, sea salt)
• big raw Samhain feast: beet and carrot salad, apples with caramel dip, pumpkin pudding, stuffed mushrooms, 3Cs chocolates, cider, spring water
  

Today's Observations
Another wonderful food day! Had a blast making all kinds of recipes with Wysteria! Woot!

Stillness in Motion

"Sitting still helps Lisa Marie's sense of well-being." - Wysteria and Jim

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own.

Day 39

• 1 c. hot jasmine green tea with honey
• 1/2 of this recipe, Superfood IceScream: 1.5 trays of ice, 1/4 c. goji berry juice, 3 T. lucuma, 3 T. carob powder, 2 T. mulberries, 1 T. soaked goji berries, 1 tsp. maca powder, 1/4 tsp. sea salt
• 2 handfuls of trail mix (mulberries, hazelnuts, goji berries, golden berries, dried apples, sunflower seeds, jungle peanuts)
• lunch at GRO (raw vegan restaurant): BBQ Terra Burger with side salad, taste of an onion ring, taste of pumpkin pie, taste of lime coconut bar, taste of chocolate chip cookie, bit of a ginger-filled chocolate, bite of spicy lime chocolate
  
• 1 c. spring water
• bite of a raw, lacto-fermented pickle
• 3 c. of salad (spinach, romaine, tomatoes, avocado, cucumbers, hemp seeds, sunflower seeds) with Olive Sesame Dressing (black olives, sesame seeds, garlic, balsamic vinegar, olive oil, spring water)
• 1.5 c. of Smashed Potatoes (sweet potatoes, white potatoes, garlic, smoked paprika, black pepper, sea salt)
• 1 c. warmed mulled cider (with ginger and cinnamon)
  

Today's Observations
Today was a good reprieve for my digestive system! Boy, yesterday was harsh! LOL!

Yes Waffling

Understanding the power to say yes and truly meaning it are never to be underestimated. Can you say yes to something, indulge that yes, and then rejoice in it afterwards? Or do you indulge and then feel guilt and shame? This waffling back and forth between allowing ourselves happiness and then berating ourselves for it is done. We have to let that old pattern go.

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own.

Day 38

• 1 c. hot jasmine green tea with honey
• 2 c. (but one teabag) of hot blueberry white tea
• 4 Butternut Bars (spin-off of Frank Giglio's Pumpkin Bars... pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, butternut squash, coconut, dates, apricots, nutmeg, cinnamon, sea salt)
• 1 avocado with balsamic vinegar
• 1 c. spring water
  
• 1/2 of this recipe, Superfood IceScream: 1.5 trays of ice, 1/4 c. goji berry juice, 3 T. lucuma, 3 T. carob powder, 2 T. mulberries, 1 T. soaked goji berries, 1 tsp. maca powder, 1/4 tsp. sea salt
• from the Hannford deli: 1.5 c. of Moroccan couscous with almonds and cranberries
• from Axis bulk aisle: 1 carob and chocolate coconut thingy
• a bite of my friend's vegan cookie
• 1 c. spring water
• dinner out at Silly's: FalSal salad (spinach, iceberg, guacamole, olives, tomatoes, feta), 2 c. of hot tea, and sweet potato fries with spicy vegan dip

Today's Observations
Waaaaaaaaaay overboard today. Ugh. Did not feel well at the end of the day. The combination of a heavy-duty chiro adjustment and fried food? Not good. Back on track tomorrow.

Pecking Order for Healing

One of my good friends says she always puts her children first - even before herself. That doesn't make any sense to me. Healing ourselves must be the priority. Helping our children heal (notice I didn't say "healing our children") is secondary. It's like those airplane instructions about the oxygen masks. You can't be a lantern for someone else if you're leading them around in the dark.

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own.

Day 37

• 1/2 c. spring water
• 1 c. hot jasmine green tea with stevia
• a couple of bites of Mo's vegan peanut butter cookie
• 1.5 oz. of corn and flax chips (from the bulk aisle at Axis)
• 1 c. spring water
  
• 3 c. of spinach salad (spinach, romaine, carrot, cucumber, red bell pepper, sunflower seeds) Olive Sesame Dressing (black olives, sesame seeds, garlic, balsamic vinegar, olive oil, spring water)
• 1 falafel patty from the Whole Foods salad bar
• 1.5 c. hot apple cider
• samplings of the Lime Coconut Pudding (avocado, coconut oil, lime juice, honey, sea salt) and Chocolate Rose Tart filling (cacao, coconut oil, honey, sea salt, powdered roses) from the class I taught
• bite of sprouts

This picture of my Olive Sesame Dressing just does not do it justice.

It was this delicious, creamy, purple concoction that just made our mouths SING!

Today's Observations
Pretty good day. The idea of doing high raw as opposed to all raw is the right commitment for me right now. I don't feel... confined, if you get me.

Today's Lessons

Today I learned that cacao increases my anxiety. Use in moderation.

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own.

Day 36

• 2 Onion and Flax Crackers with 1/2 an avocado and a banana
• 1/2 an avocado with balsamic vinegar
  
• 1 c. hot decaf chai tea with honey
• taste of Mo's Old Fashioned Blueberry Muffin mix
  (recipe here: http://goneraw.com/recipe/old-fashioned-blueberry-muffins)
  
• lunch at Silly's: special request salad (spinach, romaine, tomatoes, guacamole, scallions, black olives, olive oil, vinegar, hot sauce)
• 1/4 c. of a Yum Pot: cacao, coconut oil, honey, lucuma, maca powder, sea salt)
• Broccoli and Carrot Slaw (shredded broccoli stalks, carrot sticks, dried cranberries, apple with sauce of macademias, dates, lime, spring water, vanilla bean, sea salt)
• 3 of Mo's little Blueberry Muffins
• dinner from Thai Dish: veggie Pad Thai with tofu
• 1.5 c. spring water
  

Mo's Blueberry Muffin Mix... She decided to have some of the mix
for breakfast while the actual muffins were dehydrating. This is ridiculously good!
It really did taste just like conventional blueberry muffin mix! Crazy!

Today's Observations
Not bad. 3.75 days of raw vegan only! But, like Wysteria said, making an all-or-nothing commitment is pretty difficult to make, so let's just let that 7-day thang go. ; )

Hungry Without Hunger

When I notice that I'm not necessarily hungry, but am wanting comfort food, I make myself a miso soup or a hot tea - depending on whether I'm looking for savory or sweet. This has been a good method for me to move through the emotional craving without packing in something loaded with empty calories or unusable fats.

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own.

Day 35

• 4 c. of kale salad (kale, tomato, cucumber, avocado, carrots, chia seeds, sunflower seeds, nutritional yeast, garlic, sea salt)
• 2 c. apple cider
• 1/2 of this recipe, Superfood IceScream: 1.5 trays of ice, 3/4 c. goji berry juice, 4 T. lucuma, 1/4 c. Brazil nuts, scant 1/4 c. honey, 3 T. carob powder, 3 T. soaked goji berries, 1 tsp. maca powder, 1/4 tsp. sea salt, 1/4 tsp. stevia
• miso soup (miso, spring water, garlic, ginger, shiitake mushrooms, kelp flakes, Bell's Seasoning)
• 3 dates stuffed with hazelnuts
• 2 c. (but one teabag) hot decaf chai with stevia
• 1 c. warm apple cider
  

Today's Observations
Third day of all raw! Man, it's soooo much easier than I thought. It's also easier with all 3 of us doing it. Nice!

I Am A Domesticated Animal

What I learned today from Daniel Vitalis: We've been domesticated. It's time to break out of that.

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own.

Day 34

• 1/2 of this recipe, Superfood IceScream: 1.5 trays of ice, 1/2 c. cold rose tea, 3 T. lucuma, 1/4 c. Brazil nuts, scant 1/4 c. honey, 3 T. carob powder, 3 T. mulberries, 1 tsp. maca powder, 1/4 tsp. sea salt, 1/4 tsp. stevia
• 2 Onion Flax Crackers (onion, flax, spring water, nama shoyu) with a medium tomato
• 1 c. hot jasmine green tea with stevia
• tasted my crust and fillings for my Raw Vegan (RV) Punkin Pie and RV Chocolate Rose Torte
  
• apple
• 1 10 oz. kombucha
• small piece of my Chocolate Rose Torte, a bite of someone's salad, and a couple of dried yacon chips (Thanks, Suzanne, for introducing me to that bit of nastiness! Ugh!)
  
• 1 avocado with balsamic vingear

This is my first attempt at a raw vegan punkin pie.
It was sooo good!

Today's Observations
Had Daniel Vitalis at my house today as a guest speaker at the Raw Maine potluck. Our house was positively packed and I had my Hostess Hat on. Consequently, I didn't really eat anything and was running on adrenaline!

Cravings That Drive Us

What is it about cravings that drives us to ridiculous actions and words? I asked Jim what he thought a craving was and he said, "It's a learned habitual response that is usually related to me not wanting to feel something." I noticed his answer didn't have anything about food in it. I find it fascinating that I can have a craving for something and one of my immediate responses is to satisfy it, almost as if I'm a victim to its pull. And this self-victimization drives me to irrational actions.

Example: I remember recently thinking that I was craving mozzarella sticks (you know, the fried kind?). Here was the conversation in my head: Those aren't raw. Well, obviously, my body is needing something that the cheese has in it. Yeah, but that's not even raw milk cheese! Well, it's close enough and I'm just going to have to fake it and get what I can. (Picture me driving like a bat out of hell to the local pizza joint.)

Jim also told me something that has become a mantra for me during these times of disempowerment: "Why do we continue to do things that we know are not good for us? Because we are not yet good enough at loving ourselves."

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own.

Day 33

• 1 c. hot jasmine green tea with stevia
• 1/2 of this recipe, Waldorf Salad: 2.5 apples, 2 stalks celery, 1/3 c. pecans, 1 T. honey, 1/2 tsp. cinnamon
• 1/2 of this recipe, Superfood IceScream: 1.5 trays of ice, 1/4 c. cold rose tea, 1/4 c. lucuma, 1/4 c. hazelnuts, scant 1/4 c. honey, 3 T. cacao nibs, 1 T. hemp seed, 1 tsp. maca powder, 1/4 tsp. sea salt, 1/4 tsp. stevia
• 1 c. cold rose tea
• 2 Butternut Bars (spin-off of Frank Giglio's Pumpkin Bars... pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, butternut squash, coconut, dates, apricots, nutmeg, cinnamon, sea salt)
• 1 apple
• 1/2 of this recipe, Superfood IceScream: 1.5 trays of ice, 1/4 c. cold rose tea, 1/4 c. pecans, scant 1/4 c. honey, 3 T. lucuma, 3 T. carob powder, 1 tsp. maca powder, 1/4 tsp. sea salt, 1/4 tsp. stevia
• 1 piece of a dried apple (dehydrating apples and wanted to see if they were done)
  
• 3 c. of kale salad (kale, tomatoes, carrot, olives, hemp seeds, sunflower seeds, garlic, olive oil, balsamic vinegar, nutritional yeast, sea salt)
• 1.5 c. of miso soup (miso, onions, mushrooms, spring water, garlic, black pepper, nutritional yeast)
• Angela Stokes-inspired Yum Pot: 1.5 T. honey, 1 T. coconut oil, 1 T. cacao powder, 1 T. lucuma, 1 pinch sea salt
  

Today's Observations
After having a crushing headache all day yesterday, I woke up with it gone. It reappeared in a quieter form for a few hours and then left again. Not sure what this is about. Odd for me to even have a headache. We decided to do 7 days 100% raw to give it a shot. We've never done this as a family and I'm totally excited about this. I would like to try this in little increments and see if I can keep it going.

Dodging the Dogmatic Approach... and Not Winning ; )

I have nothing to say today. Not in a good headspace.

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own.

Day 32

• 1 c. hot jasmine green tea with honey
• 1 c. hot jasmine green tea with honey
• Banana Mash-Up: 1 banana, 2 T. sesame seeds, 1 T. chia seeds
  
• Sprout Salad: 1.5 c. Zesty Sprout mix, 1 medium tomato, 2 T. olives, some vinaigrette of Jim's that I found on the shelf
  
• lunch at Whole Foods salad bar: salad (mesclun greens, seaweed sesame salad, carrots, cucumbers, grape tomatoes, purple cabbage, olives, sunflower seeds, roasted garlic, macademia nut oil, balsamic vinegar), carrot ginger (cooked) soup
• 2 c. cold horsetail tea
• 1/3 of this recipe, Superfoods IceScream: 2 trays of ice, 1/3 c. spring water, 1/4 c. hazelnuts, 1/4 c. Brazil nuts, 1/4 c. honey, 1/4 c. goji berry juice, 5 T. lucuma, 3 T. cacao nibs, 3 T. goji berries, 2 T. mulberries, 2 tsp. maca powder, 1/2 tsp. sea salt, 1/2 tsp. stevia
  
• ordered dinner out from Goody's: cheese pizza
• 1.5 c. spring water
  
• 1 c. hot Sweet Cinnamon herbal tea
• 1 c. spring water
  

Today's Observations
Raging headache all day. Think I need to rename my blog to "What This (mostly) Raw (mostly) Vegan Eats." Alas. There it is.

Self-Forgiveness

What does it mean to forgive ourselves? I've been pondering this one today. I told a friend of mine that my concept of forgiveness is based on the conservative Southern Baptist church I used to attend. Forgiveness was only dealt out by a large white man in a chair in the clouds. I was never taught to forgive others; I never thought I could play God. And forgiving myself? No way. That was out of my league... or so I thought.

I need to figure out what self-forgiveness really is, then I need to figure out what that process looks like and what tools are needed to make that happen.

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own.

Day 31

• 1 c. hot jasmine green tea with honey
• 1 c. (cooked) Smashed Potatoes: gold potatoes, white potatoes, sweet potatoes, nutritional yeast, garlic, sea salt, black pepper
• 1/2 of this recipe, Superfood IceScream: 1.5 trays of ice, 1/4 c. goji berry juice, 1/4 c. honey, 3 T. cacao nibs, 2 T. pecans, 2 T. hazelnuts, 2 T. goji berries, 2 T. lucuma, 1 T. mulberries, 1 tsp. maca powder, 1/4 tsp. stevia, 1/4 tsp. salt
  
• mozzarella sticks with marinara sauce
• 2 c. spring water
• 3 c. Green Smoothie: spinach, spring water, frozen peaches, frozen strawberries, dates, frozen banana
  

Today's Observations
Not feeling good today. Need more greens and less cheese. Cheese is an old habit, an old friend calling my name and stroking my hair. Think it's time to find a new comforter.

Unpacking My Acceptance

We have this bizarre acceptance of how food makes us feel. We either ignore it, see it and don't acknowledge it, or see it and make excuses for it. What the hell's that about? I'm working on unpacking this for myself.

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own.

Day 30

• 1.5 c. spring water
  
• 2/3 of this recipe, 2 c. (cooked) oatmeal with 1/4 c. pecans, 1/4 c. raisins, 1/4 tsp. cinnamon, 2 T. honey, pinch of sea salt
• 1 c. hot decaf chai with stevia
• 1/2 of this recipe, Superfood IceScream: 1.5 trays of ice, 1/3 c. goji berry juice, 1/4 c. hazelnuts, scant 1/4 c. honey, 3 T. cacao powder, 2 T. goji berries, 2 T. hemp protein powder, 1 tsp. maca powder, 1/4 tsp. sea salt, 1/4 tsp. stevia
• 1 c. hot Sweet Cinnamon herbal tea
• 2/3 of an order of vegetable and tofu Pad Thai, 1 c. water
• 1 banana
• 2 Butternut Bars (spin-off of Frank Giglio's Pumpkin Bars... pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, butternut squash, coconut, dates, apricots, nutmeg, cinnamon, sea salt)
• 3 c. spring water
  

Today's Observations
The tofu gave me a raging headache. Ugh. Think I'd figure that one out, hungh?

Welcome to the Jungle (Peanuts)

Did you listen to your body, mind and spirit when you reached for that food item?

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own.

Day 29

• 1/2 of this recipe, Superfood IceScream: 1.5 trays ice cubes, 1/4 c. goji berry juice, scant 1/4 c. honey, 3 T. cacao poweder, 2 T. almonds, 2 T. hazelnuts, 2 T. goji berries, 2 T. hemp protein powder, 1 tsp. maca, pinch of stevia, pinch of sea salt
• 1 c. hot decaf chai tea with stevia
• 1 c. hot blueberry white tea
• snack from Whole Foods salad bar: 1 c. (cooked) curry and carrot soup, olive and roasted garlic roll
• 1/3 of this recipe, Superfood IceScream: 2 trays ice cubes, 1/2 c. goji berry juice, 1/2 c. jungle peanuts, 1/4 c. honey, 3.5 T. cacao powder, 2 T. hemp protein powder, 2 T. goji berries, 1 T. mulberries, 1 tsp. maca, 1/2 tsp. sea salt, 1/2 tsp. stevia
• 4 c. air-popped popcorn with Bragg's™ and nutritional yeast
• 1 c. spring water
• Banana Mash-Up: 1 banana, 1 avocado
  

Today's Observations
Not sold on those jungle peanuts. Don't think I'll be buying those again. They taste... green. Don't know any other way to say it. Thought peanuts and chocolate would taste good together, but not those peanuts. Too bad those are the only peanuts available that don't have aflatoxins.

Graying Our Food

What happens to our identifications if we just put down the stories we've been telling ourselves for years? You know the ones: the stories where we categorize food as bad or good, where we categorize ourselves as bad or good for what we eat, where we categorize others as bad or good for what they eat... We've set up such a black and white world for our food consumption. I think it's time to start adding back in the shades of gray.

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own.

Day 28

• 1/2 of this recipe, Strawberry Pudding: 2 avocados, 2 bananas, 1.5 c. frozen strawberries
  
• 2 c. (but one teabag) hot cacao and spice yerba mate
• lunch out Whole Foods salad bar: spinach, carrots, cabbage, chick peas with salad dressing of macadamia nut oil and balsamic vinegar, bean salad, falafel patty, pumpkin and apple curry soup (outstanding!)
• 2 c. (but one teabag) hot fruit yerba mate tea
• 1/2 c. Sunspire™ chocolate-covered peanuts
• dinner at a friend's (all raw except for a few flavourings!): green energy soup (cucumber, zucchini, avocado, tomatoes, spinach, fresh basil, miso, tamari, lemon juice, water, sea salt, pepper), salad (spinach, arugula, pear, carrots, yellow bell pepper, raisins with balsamic vinaigrette), pineapple chunks, cherry juice, hot ginger tea
  

Today's Observations
I had been craving my Superfoods IceScream all afternoon and decided to get the peanuts. Afterwards, my head was buzzing from all the sugar! Yeesh! But I have to say that I made it a point to eat them without guilt, to really enjoy them... and to only get a small amount of them. That last bit is huge for me. In the past, I would have gotten a cup or more out of the bulk bin and mowed through the entire bag! Also, it was soooo amazing to go to my friend's house and have her prepare me an entire raw meal! I've never had an energy soup (some people call them savory smoothies... it's just a blended soup, basically) that tasted good. The ones I've made were always o.k., but not exciting. This one was excellent! She seems to really like it, too! She put a lot of energy into exploring what would work for dinner that night - because this was all new to her - and I really appreciated it.

Awake and Dreaming

Dedicated to all of those who watched me sleeping and preferred me awake.

***

"Woke Up" by Marillion

Woke up in a city that doesn’t sleep
Full of rain
You woke me up

Woke up in a city down by the sea
Like a dream
You woke me up

I woke up in a city full of snow
And history and beauty and Christmas-lights and cold
With angels that come when all is lost
In golden light at dead of night
They take you home
And I woke up
I woke up

Woke up in a city that doesn’t sleep
You woke me up, You woke me up, You woke me up

And I woke up in a city by the sea
You woke me up, You woke me up, You woke me up

You woke me up

I woke up in a city full of rain
The world had stopped
I woke up to feel no pain
Day from night
Anti-gravity and light
It’s so clear, just what I’m doing here

The blinding obvious is what you showed to me.
The blinding obvious is what you showed to me.
The blinding obvious is what you showed to me.

Steve Hogarth, lead singer of Marillion...
and the one who keeps me sane most days...

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own.

Day 27

• 1/2 of this recipe, Superfood IceScream: 1.5 tray ice cubes, 1/4 c. hazelnuts, 1/4 c. goji berry juice, 3 T. honey, 3 T. soaked goji berries, 2 T. cacao nibs, 2 T. lucuma, 1 tsp. maca, pinch of stevia, pinch of sea salt
• 1 c. hot yerba mate with stevia
• 3 c. green salad (kale, romaine, hemp seeds, tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots) with Creamy Sesame Dressing (spring water, olive oil, lime juice, sesame seeds, garlic, nama shoyu, black pepper) and nutritional yeast
• 1 c. (cooked) Split Pea Soup: water, miso, split peas, sweet potato, carrot, onion, thyme, sea salt, liquid smoke
• 1 c. hot yerba mate with cacao, nutmeg, clove, cinnamon, and stevia
• 1/2 of this recipe, Superfood IceScream: 1.5 tray ice cubes, 1/2 c. goji berry juice, 1/4 c. almonds, 1/4 c. honey, 3 T. soaked goji berries, 3 T. cacao poweder, 2 T. hemp protein powder, 1 tsp. maca, pinch of stevia, pinch of sea salt
• 1 c. (cooked) brown rice with nutritional yeast, sea salt, nama shoyu, and garlic
• 1 c. hot Sweet Cinnamon herbal tea
  

Today's Observations
I'm done with logging the times I'm eating. Too much of a pain. So, hopefully, those 2.6 readers of this blog won't mind. ; ) Still loving the Superfood IceScream, but Mo and I decided to change it up again. She actually suggested the hemp, which I thought was brilliant. We'll continue to play with this. I also like the idea pulling down the honey and adding more stevia. Will experiment more with this because I'd like to decrease my caloric intake and my ensuing sugar highs. I also LOOOOVED our salad today. I feel much... I don't know... cleaner?... when I eat salads daily. Maybe it's the roughage.

Dreaming and Waking

“I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.”
- Rabindranath Tagore

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own.

Day 26

• 9:45a, 1/2 of recipe, Superfood IceScream: 1.5 tray ice cubes, 1/4 c. hazelnuts, 1/4 c. honey, 3 T. cacao nibs, 3 T. lucuma, 2 T. goji berries, 1/4 c. Brazil nut mylk, 1 T. mesquite powder, 1 tsp. maca, pinch of sea salt
• 2:15p, 2 c. (cooked) Smashed Potatoes: sweet potatoes, white potatoes, nutritional yeast, garlic, hemp seed oil, sea salt
• 3p, 1 c. spring water
• 4p, 16 oz. kombucha, 2 T. olive tapenade (I think it might have been not raw), 1 cacao coconut cookie
  
• 8p, Mexi-Mass Jr. : 1.5 c. kale, 3/4 c. (cooked) brown rice, 3/4 c. guacamole, nutritional yeast, chili pepper flakes, sea salt
  
• 9:30p, Superfood IceScream: 1 tray ice cubes, 1/4 c. hazelnuts, 2 T. honey, 2 T. cacao nibs, 3 T. lucuma, 1/4 c. Brazil nut mylk, 1 tsp. maca, , pinch of stevia, pinch of sea salt

Today's Observations
OK, so I ended up having the Superfood IceScream twice. LOL! Ah, well. It's just SO good! Went to a party today that had a mix of raw, cooked, vegan, vegetarian, meat, sweets... and I found that I was so totally not tempted by the meat, the pasta, OR the non-raw sweets! I was floored! I feel like I've finally passed over some invisible hurdle.

Violence and Forgivenes... Through Food

Today I ate when I wasn't hungry. 3 times. Each time I did it I felt rebellious, angry, ecstatic, guilty, mournful. Who is this person that needs all this comfort? A part of me is scared to lose more weight because that means I will have to find out things about myself, that I will need to put down old tools and pick up new ones... that I will (possibly) be more vulnerable. But another, bigger part of me (no pun intended) wants to lose the weight. I've been carrying this weight around so long. I'm so exhausted. And not just with the weight, but with all the feelings of self-doubt, of not believing in love, of not giving myself enough acknowledgement for my worth, my uniqueness, my gifts.

I'm so done with the anxiety and fear. I want to feel some joy and excitement.

I think now... finally... I can feel that door starting to open.

Another great quote from Geneen Roth's When Food Is Love: "The degree to which we are violent, abusive, self-punishing is in proportion to the degree of violence, abuse, and punishment we received. We learned how to do it by having it done to us."

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own.

Day 25

• 7:30a, 1 c. hot yerba mate with stevia
• 9a, 1 c. hot yerba mate (re-used mate from first batch, but added ingredients) with cacao, cinnamon, clove, nutmeg, coconut, and stevia
• 10:30a, 1/2 of recipe, Superfood IceScream: 1.5 tray ice cubes, 1/4 c. hazelnuts, 1/4 c. honey, 3 T. cacao nibs, 3 T. lucuma, 2 T. goji berries, 2 T. goji berry juice, 1 T. mesquite powder, 1 tsp. MacaPro™, pinch of sea salt
• 5p, 5 mozzarella sticks with marinara sauce
• 6p, 16 oz. bottle of Poland Springs Mandarin Orange sparkling water
• 7:45p, 2 c. Kale Salad: kale, tomatoes, garlic, hemp seed, hemp seed oil, balsamic vinegar, sunflower seeds, nutritional yeast, sea salt
• 9:15p, few red pepper strips and carrot sticks with Veggie Dip (macs, sunflower seeds, garlic, salt, nama shoyu, spring water, basil)
• 9:30p, 1 c. hot ginger tea, 2 Medjool dates
  

Today's Observations
OK. I must admit that having Superfood IceScream twice a day isn't the best for me. All that sugar... ZZZING! Re-using my yerba mate was smart, too. Less of a caffeine buzz. Need to focus on more greens. The mozzarella sticks? Have been craving them for a few days. There it is.

Unearthing... Me

"In this context, compulsive eating is an affirmation of the human spirit. It is our way of saying: 'You cannot beat me down. Although I am vulnerable and believe I need your love, although I might change what I say and what I do to please you, there is a part of me that will remain intact no matter what. This part of me cannot be bought or sold; it knows it is worthy of love and pleasure and fulfillment. This is the part of me that eats."
- Excerpt from When Food Is Love by Geneen Roth

This book is getting to the bedrock, man. Sigh.

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own.

Day 24

• 11:30a, Superfood IceScream: 1 tray ice cubes, 1/4 c. pecans, 2 T. honey, 1. 5 T. cacao nibs, 1.5 T. goji berries, 1 T. goji berry juice, 1 T. mesquite powder, 1/2 tsp. MacaPro™, pinch of sea salt
• 12p, 2 c. miso soup: 2 c. spring water, 1 T. miso, 1 garlic clove, 1/4 tsp. ginger powder
• 2:45p, 1/2 of recipe, Superfood IceScream: 1.5 tray ice cubes, 1/4 c. pecans, 1/4 c. honey, 3 T. cacao nibs, 3 T. lucuma, 2 T. goji berries, 1 T. goji berry juice, 1 T. mesquite powder, 1 tsp. MacaPro™, pinch of sea salt
• 5p, 2 oz. corn and flax chips
• 6p, 2 c. spring water
  
• 7:30, 2 c. Kale and Zesty Sprout Salad (zesty sprout blend, kale, balsamic vinegar, hemp seeds, hemp seed oil, nutritional yeast, garlic, sea salt), 1 c. Cincinnati Soup (spring water, TVP, lentils, canned tomatoes, onions, garlic, celery, carrots, red pepper, zucchini, mushrooms, Halawi dates, cacao, allspice, cinnamon, cumin, chili powder, black pepper, sea salt, balsamic vinegar, miso)
• 8:30p, 2 T. Caramel Dip (dates, Brazil nut mylk, coconut oil, vanilla, sea salt)
• 9p, 1 c. hot ginger tea
  

Today's Observations
Jim's Cincinnati Soup was absolutely outstanding. I only had a little bit though because soy and beans don't usually sit well on my stomach. But he outdid himself on the spicing! Nice job, baby bear! The Superfood IceScream has just totally been hitting the spot lately. I almost feel like I could live off that. I wonder what would happen if I ate only that and salads all day? Man, that's tempting...

Nog vs. Pizza

I had Jim order a large cheese pizza from Domino's... and then cancel it. I opted for the Not Nog instead.

As I was drinking it, Jim asked, "Is that hitting the spot?"

I said, "No." But I knew it was the right choice at the time.

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own.

Day 23

• 8a, 1 c. hot cacao and spice yerba mate
• 8:45a, 1 apple with Caramel Dip (dates, Brazil nut mylk, coconut oil, vanilla bean, salt)
• 10:45a, 5 stuffed mushrooms (stuffing was 1 c. pecans, 1 celery stalk, 1 carrot, all the stems from the mushrooms, 1 T. onion, 2 T. dried cranberries, 1 garlic clove, 1 tsp. Herbs de Provence, 1/2 tsp. poultry seasoning,1/2 tsp. sea salt... makes enough for about a dozen mushrooms or 1 10 oz. package of mushrooms)
• 11:30a, 2 c. (but one teabag) hot cacao and spice yerba mate
• 12:30p, 1 biiiig raw vegan almond chocolate candy from GRO (raw vegan restaurant in Portland, ME)
• 4:45p, Banana Mash-Up: 1 banana, 1/2 c. Brazil nut mylk, 1 T. chia seeds, 1/4 tsp. cinnamon
• 10:30p, 2 c. Not Nog: 2 c. Brazil nut mylk, 2 Medjool dates, 1/2 tsp. cinnamon, 1/4 tsp. cardamom, 1/4 tsp. ginger
  

Today's Observations
Yerba mate and cacao do NOT mix for Lisa Marie. Holy CRAP, my head was buzzing! Sheesh!

Dogmatic Doo

What is UP with this insistence on dogmatically approaching our eating?! Sheesh. I am finding that the people who are most dogmatic are the ones who have something invested, have some agenda. Where is the joy in that mindset?

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own.

Day 22

• 8:15a, 1 c. hot cacao and spice yerba mate
• 11:30a, Mexi-Mass Spin-Off: 1 c. spinach, 1 c. (cooked) brown rice, 1 T. nutritional yeast, 3/4 c. guacamole, 3/4 c. (non-raw, but lovingly homemade) salsa
• 12:15p, 1 c. hot Sweet Cinnamon tea
• 2p, little less than half of this recipe, Superfood IceScream: 2 trays of ice, 2 T. homemade tahini, 1/4 c. honey, 2 T. soaked goji berries, 1 T. mulberries, 3 T. cacao nibs, 1 T. mesquite powder, 1 tsp. MacaPro™, pinch of sea salt
• 4p-6p, sampling recipes that I needed to perfect for my classes: Veggie Dip (with a piece of cucumber), Caramel Dip (with apple slices), and Caramel Cacao Dip (straight up, baby!)
• 6:30p, 1.5 c. of Moroccan Chick Pea Soup: chick peas, canned tomatoes, zucchini, carrot, red bell pepper, cardamom, cumin, sea salt, black pepper
  
• 9:30p, 1 c. hot ginger tea
  

Today's Observations
That Caramel Cacao Dip tasted JUST like brownie batter. I can't even say any more about it. I'm in shock. MMMMMM!

Comparisons

I was just reading through some other raw foodists' blogs and was interested to find that only one of them was 100%. I get so caught up sometimes in my own worries around "right" and "wrong" percentages... and forget to focus on the joy of healthy eating, of joyful eating.

Shit, if I was blogging about my food intake 5 years ago... I can't even imagine. I wouldn't be so focused on the quality of the food than I would be around the shame surrounding it. ... Aw. That makes me sad for that Lisa Marie. : (

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own - or the restaurant's.

Day 21

• 6a, 2 c. (but one teabag) hot cacao and spice yerba mate
• 8:30a, Banana Mash-Up: 1 banana, 1/4 c. walnuts
• 12p, Mehkong Thai lunch out: weird crunchy things with sweet Thai sauce, 2 c. hot Thai tea, Drunken Noodle with extra veggies and tofu
• 1p, lovely raw vegan huuuuuge cacao and almond star candy from GRO (raw vegan restaurant in Portland, ME)
• 2:30p, 2 c. spring water
• 4p, 1 T. Chocolate Sauce (coconut oil, cacao powder, honey, sea salt)
  
• 7p, 3 c. of Kale Salad (kale, tomatoes, hemp seed oil, hemp seed, nutritional yeast, garlic, sea salt), 1 c. Smashed Potatoes (potatoes with small amount of the potato water, 1 medium onion, nutritional yeast, sea salt, black pepper), 2 c. cold nettle tea
• 7:30p, 3.5 Medjool dates, 1 c. hot Sweet Cinnamon herbal tea
• 9:45p, 1.5 c. Kale Salad (see above), Banana Mash-Up (1 banana, 1/4 c. pecans)
• 10p, 1 c. hot decaf chai
  

Today's Observations
Not a bad day. I ate a bit too much at lunch and really felt like I could have done without the potatoes at dinner. Had both for just the sake of eating it than feeling like I was truly hungry. Working on that negative pattern.

Being Big

It's o.k. to be as big as you need to be in this world - either by words, by height, by heart... or by weight.

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own.

Day 20

• 9:15a, 1 c. cacao and spice yerba mate
  
• 9:45a, Banana Mash-Up: 1.5 bananas, 1/4 c. walnuts, 1/4 c. Brazil nut mylk
• 12p, 1/2 c. dried apples, 1/4 c. jungle peanuts, 2 c. (but 1 teabag) of cacao and spice yerba mate
• 4:30p, Mexi-Mass: 2 c. shredded kale, 1 c. brown rice, 3/4 c. guacamole, 1 T. nutritional yeast, 1/4 tsp. sea salt, 1/2 tsp. chili pepper flakes
• 5:15p, 1/2 of Banana Ice Cream (1/2 c. Brazil nut mylk, 4 frozen bananas) with 1/4 c. Chocolate Sauce (coconut oil, honey, cacao powder, sea salt)
  

Today's Observations
Very good day today. Lots of cacao... just like it should be.

Which Self To Choose

Who are you when you eat? Does it depend on the company? The food in front of you? The feeling of the day? Should who you are change? Does the you that you bring to the table change the food you consume or the way it's integrated into your body?

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own.

Day 19

• 12:30p, Thai lunch out: vegetable tempura, some weird potato curry turnover thingies, vegetable and tofu soup, vegan Pad Thai, 2 c. water, 2 c. Thai tea
• 2:45p, 2.5 c. spring water
• 4p, half of this recipe, Superfood IceScream: 2 trays of ice, 1/4 c. Brazil nut mylk, 1/4 c. honey, 3 T. soaked goji berries, 1 T. homemade tahini, 3 T. cacao nibs, 1 T. mesquite powder, 1 tsp. MacaPro™, pinch of sea salt, pinch of stevia
• 4:30p, 1 c. cacao and spice yerba mate
• 6:30p, 2 c. (cooked) smashed potatoes (red potatoes, garlic, hemp seed oil, sea salt, black pepper, nutritional yeast), 2 c. Kale Salad (lacinato kale, curly kale, hemp seed oil, sea salt, nutritional yeast, hemp seed, garlic, tomatoes, cucumbers), 1 c. spring water
  
• 8p, 2 T. Chocolate Sauce (cacao powder, coconut oil, honey, sea salt)
• 10p, 2 c. of Kale Salad (see above)
  

Today's Observations
Today I'm all about appreciating my skin and the fact that my food intake is so directly affecting who I am and who I'm becoming.

Self-Measurement

"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."
- Jiddu Krishnamurti

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own.

Day 18

• 9:30a, 1 Medjool date (mmm.... like caramel!)
• 10a, 1.5 c. of cacao and spice yerba mate
• 11:15, 2 c. of kale salad (lacinato kale, tomatoes, cucumber, red bell pepper, hemp seed, garlic, balsamic vinegar, hemp seed oil, nutritional yeast, sea salt)
• 11:30a, 3 Medjool dates (just got delivered... have to make sure they're o.k.)
• 3p, 1/2 recipe of Superfood IceScream: 2 trays of ice, 2 T. homemade tahini, 1/4 c. Brazil nut mylk, 1/4 c. soaked goji berries, 3 T. cacao nibs, 1 T. mesquite powder, 1 tsp. MacaPro™, 1/4 c. honey, 1/4 tsp. sea salt
• 6p, 1/2 of a Tazo Brambleberry Tea and some mozzarella sticks
• 6:30p, seed and nut bites (from bulk section at Axis)
• 8:45p, 3 c. green smoothie (spring water, kale, frozen blueberries, frozen bananas, MacaPro™)
• 9:30p, 1 c. of cacao and spice yerba mate
  

Today's Observations
On my period and had to have some cheese. There it is. No excuses. Just fucking got some cheese, OK?!?

The Girl In My Head

In my head, there is this angry girl that walks toward the chocolate brownie and bounces off a plexiglass wall... walks back, seemingly defeated... and then runs at full speed toward it again... only to bounce off... again. This is repeated over and over. That brownie is just out of reach, but habit is driving her, little kids desires are driving her. Eventually, I go to her... but only after acknowledging that my heart is broken... and comfort her. She collapses, like Mo used to do at the end of a tantrum... and we move on... brownie-less.

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own.

Day 17

• 10a, 1/2 of a cantaloupe
• 11a, 2 T. of failed carob, cacao, and jungle peanut concoction
• 1p, 2 c. goji berry juice
  
• 2:30p, Whole Foods Salad Bar: 1 falafel patty, 3/4 c. vegan biryani
• 6p, 16 oz. Synergy Divine Grape Kombucha
• 6p, 1 nasty Peruvian raw olive (UGH!)
  
• 8:30p, 3 c. of kale salad (lacinato kale, tomatoes, cucumber, red bell pepper, hemp seed, garlic, balsamic vinegar, hemp seed oil, nutritional yeast, sea salt), 3/4 c. of Cauliflower and Avocado Mash (cauliflower, avocado, nutritional yeast, apple cider vinegar, miso, garlic, black pepper) with Mushroom Gravy (portabello mushrooms, onion, garlic, miso, nama shoyu, sea salt, olive oil, spring water)
  
• 9:15p, 1 c. chocolate and spice yerba mate
  

Today's Observations
So, I'm done with all the measurements of recipes. I was doing it originally as part of a 7-day food diary for a book contribution. Glad that's over! Sheesh! Not a bad day today. Again, had another emotional eating craving that was overcome (see the 6p purchases). I'm really proud of myself for that. All I wanted was a chocolate chip butter-laden brownie. But... I resisted. Go, me!

Finding New Hungers

I've been trying to teach my kid to only eat when she's hungry. Of course, I've have to learn what that means before I can tell her. Body messages that I thought were hunger, I'm now realizing, I've been misinterpreting. Now I see these messages differently. I hear some as hunger, yes, but I also hear thirst, comfort, anger, fatigue, desperation... I'm realizing I was taught how to translate, when listening to your body should be intuitively learned. I listened to what everyone else told me was hunger and pushed my own understanding of it aside.

Damn. So much undoing.

But, on the brighter side, I'm learning a ton about my body and am exploring new boundaries and pushing beyond some of those older ones. Can't be too bitter about that.

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own.

Day 16

• 7a, 1 c. of hot jasmine green tea with honey
• 8:30a, 1 c. of hot ginseng tea
• 9:30a, 1/2 cantaloupe
• 12p, 1/3 of the following salad concoction: 1 bunch of kale, 3 medium tomatoes, 1/4 c. conventional olives, 3 pinches of sea salt, 2 T. hemp oil, 2 T. balsamic vinegar, 1/3 c. sunflower seeds, 3 T. chia seeds, 3 T. sesame seeds, 1/4 c. nutritional yeast, 1/4 tsp. black pepper
• 1:30p, half of this recipe, Superfood IceScream: 2 trays of ice, 6 dates, 3 T. soaked goji berries, 1 T. mulberries, 1 T. honey, 3 T. homemade tahini, 3 T. cacao nibs, 1 T. mesquite powder, 1 tsp. MacaPro™, pinch of sea salt, pinch of stevia
• 2:30p, 2 T. of the failed carob, cacao, and jungle peanut concoction
• 7:30p, dinner at Raw Maine Meetup potluck, sampled the following raw vegan delectables: chocolate cake, chocolate mousse, kale and seaweed salad, radishes, carrot and radish slaw, orange and fennel salad, Waldorf Super Salad (my recipe!), raspberry balls, beet spaghetti, and goji juice (brought from home)
  

Today's Observations
Today the fine art of food combining was put to the test. Yowza! That dinner was over the top! Fun to sample all that stuff, but sheesh. What's funny is that I was pretty OK, until I had a slice of that super rich (and super delicious!) cake! That many nuts in one sitting is harsh on the ole bowels. Great day though, food-wise. Felt really good all day.

Non-Raw Overload

Somedays, you just gotta make the best choices you can.

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own.

Day 15

• 10a, Superfood IceScream: 1 trays of ice, 2 T. goji berries, 2 T. mulberries, 2 T. honey, 1.5 T. homemade tahini, 1.5 T. cacao nibs, 1.5 tsp. mesquite powder, 1/2 tsp. MacaPro™, pinch of sea salt
• 12p, lunch at Happy Teriyaki: hot corn tea, Gyoza, Bi Bam Bop (I think that was what it was called...)
  
• 6p, dinner at Silly's: 2/3s of an order of Sweet Potato Fries with honey mustard, FalSal (Greek salad minus the feta with falafel), 2 c. hot lemon ginger tea
  

Today's Observations
Oh, MAN! The Bi Bam Bop was soooo cool! 6 different types of fermented foods with fresh cukes and carrots on a bed of sushi rice! Oh! I was concerned about what I was going to be able to find at this restaurant and ended up wonderfully surprised! The tastes were outstanding and really sat well in my (very happy) belly.

The Great Abyss

What happens when our diet conflicts with someone else's? What's really going on - emotionally, physically, spiritually - when we're so invested in clinging onto our ways while they're clinging onto theirs? Where did this great abyss between come from? There is an insistence on right and wrong and I have to argue that the wrong question is being poised.

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own.

Day 14

• 6:30a, 1 c. hot jasmine green tea with honey
• 8:15a, 1 c. of Sweet Cinnamon tea
• 9:30a, Mo's Garbage Cereal: 1/4 c. walnuts, 2 T. oats, 2 T. mulberries, 1 T. goji berries, 1 T. coconut flakes, 1 T. sesame seeds, 1 T. raisins, 2 tsp. chia seeds, 1 banana, 1.5 c. brazil nut mylk
• 12p, 3 c. movie popcorn
• 2p, 2 Rye and Chia crackers with 1/4 c. of last night's Walnut Taco Meat
• 4p, 2 c. goji berry juice
• 4:30p, 1/3 of the following salad concoction: 1 bunch of kale, 3 medium tomatoes, 1/3 c. conventional olives, 2 pinches of sea salt, 2 T. olive oil, 1/3 c. sunflower seeds, 3 T. hemp seeds, 1/3 c. nutritional yeast, 1/4 tsp. black pepper
• 6p, 1/2 of recipe, Superfood IceScream: 2 trays of ice, 1/4 c. goji berries, 1/4 c. honey, 3 T. homemade tahini, 2.5 T. cacao nibs, 1 T. mesquite powder, 1 tsp. MacaPro™, 1/4 tsp. sea salt
• 8p, 1 large apple
• 9:30p, 2 c. miso soup: 2 c. spring water, 1 T. miso, 1 garlic clove, 1/2 tsp. ginger powder, 2 portabello mushrooms
  

Today's Observations
Believe or not, the movie popcorn was limited. I originally said, "One large popcorn, please"... thought about it and said, "No, actually, gimme the medium." And then I didn't mow (rhymes with "cow") through it like I wanted, but ate only one piece at a time, remembering what I'd read recently: "If you're going to eat cooked, really savor it and appreciate it. No guilt." So I did and it was good. : ) Mo and I are loooooving the goji berry juice (thanks, Matt and Angela!). I'm so into superfoods. They're really working for me right now.

Walnut Tacos and Emotional Eating

I was pissed today, feeling down, annoyed, frustrated with the hand I'd gotten. I drove to Whole Foods to pick up more greens and was in and out of there pretty quickly. Afterwards, I had to run to Hannaford to pick up some other stuff. While I'm in Hannaford, I start to feel even more down and my Angry Kid wants some bread, some pizza, some crunchy chocolate-covered peanuts. NOW!

I start scanning the aisles. Maybe just a little bit. Who would fucking care? I'm so frustrated and remember the feeling chewing the food gave me, remember the satisfied feeling of rolls or chocolates sitting in my stomach... and then I remember that going raw has given me a bit of an intolerable belly. Wheat, yeast, refined sugar... those things give me really bad headaches and nausea now. Good reminders of what's good for this particular body.

And then I thought about my feelings being a passing thing. I thought that if I could just make it through this feeling without comfort eating, that I'd have jumped a major hurdle. So... I jumped.





Note: Capitalized recipes are my own.

Day 13

• 8:30a, 1 c. of Superfood Elixir: 5c. spring water, 1 T. milk thistle seed, 3/4 c. sprouted almonds, 1/4 c. carob, 3 T. honey, 2 T. goji berries, 1.5 T. chia seed, 1 tsp. cinnamon, 1 tsp. maca powder, pinch of sea salt, 1 tsp. spirulina, 1/4 tsp. cayenne
• 9:15a, 2 Sweet Seed Crackers (Carmella's recipe)
  
• 9:15a1 c. blueberry white tea
  
• 12:30p, 2 roasted sweet potatoes with Crazy Mustard Dip (2 T. mustard, 2 T. honey, 1 T. homemade tahini, 1 tsp. vegan Worcestershire sauce, 1/2 tsp. chili powder, 1/2 tsp. chipotle powder)
  
• 12:30p, 1 c. spring water
• 1:15p, 1/2 of recipe, Superfood IceScream: 2 trays of ice, 1/4 c. soaked goji berries, 1/4 c. honey, 3 T. homemade tahini, 2 T. cacao nibs, 1 T. mesquite powder, 1 tsp. MacaPro™, 1/4 tsp. sea salt
• 3:45p, 1/3 recipe, Superfood IceScream (same recipe as above... twice is nice! ; )
• 6:30p, Collard Tacos with homemade guacamole, salsa, and walnut taco meat (no recipe... too harried to write it down!)
• 8p, 1 T. of failed cacao, carob, and jungle peanut concoction
• 10:15p, 1 banana and 6 walnut halves
• 10:30p, 1 c. rose tea
  

Today's Observations
We are freaking on the Superfood IceScream! Holy COW! So good we had to have it again. MmmMMM! I had some collards growing in my front yard that had to get used, so I decided to make tacos. So lovely to eat greens straight out of the garden. Great energy! I've noticed I've really been letting go of worrying about when to eat and what to eat and have been trying to let my tastes and desires guide me. I'm happy to report that usually what they want is raw! I can tell my taste buds are changing! How exciting!

Chillin' Out

We've stopped putting our spring water in the fridge. All of us, too, are drinking more and more teas. Soups are sounding more appealing. I'm wanting spicier foods and am craving more savory. I think soon Mo and I may need to start making our Not Nog and our Spicy Cocoa - both warmed in the Vitamix, of course. In Maine, it's been getting down into the 40s at night. I'm enjoying watching my needs and desires around food and drink change at this time of year.

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own.

Day 12

• 9a, 2 T. of failed carob, cacao, and jungle peanut experiment
• 9:15a, 1/2 c. spring water
• 9:30a, 1 c. blueberry white tea
• 12p, 1.5 c. Black Bean Soup (cooked): 1 pound of dry black beans cooked, 6 c. water, 2 28 oz. cans of plum tomatoes, 1/2 pound Brussels sprouts, 10 garlic cloves, 1 medium zucchini, 1/4 c. Bragg Liquid Aminos™, 3 T. honey, 1 T. cumin, 1 tsp. oregano, 1 tsp. sea salt, 1/2 tsp. chipotle powder
• 12:45p, 2 c. Smashed Potatoes: 6 small potatoes, 2 T. olive oil, 1/3 c. nutritional yeast, 2 garlic cloves, 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 tsp. black pepper
  
• 1p, 1 c. spring water
• 5p, 11 small plums (oh, no!... now they're gone!)
• 5:30p, Green Smoothie: 8 large kale stalks (leftover from making salad... waste not!), 1.5 c. apple cider, 1 c. frozen blueberries, 1 frozen banana
• 8p, 1 c. miso soup: 1 T. miso, 1 c. spring water
  

Today's Observations
I tried doing the miso soup as a soy experiment. Seems like fermented soy didn't bother me at all. Interesting. Makes sense though. Overall, pretty calm day.

The Hard Line

How hard do I want to make this journey? Do I want to worry and struggle and fret over might-bes, should-have-beens, and what-ifs? Logic tells me that the stupidity inherent in that is rampant, but habits die hard.

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own - except when they're the restaurant's.

Day 11

• 9a, 1 c. hot jasmine green tea with honey
• 10:45a, 1 piece of Cherry Ripple Pie (sans the Ripple topping): crust was 1 c. dried apricots, 1/2 c. walnuts, 1 c. macs, 1/2 c. almonds, pinch of sea salt, 1 T. almond flour (for dusting pie plate); filling was 3 avocados, 10 oz. cherries, 1/4 c. coconut oil, 3 T. honey, pinch of sea salt
• 1p, 1/2 c. decaf chai
• 2p, 6 tiny black plums (I can't get over how sweet and adorable these are!)
• 3p, 2c. Marinated Mushies: 2 c. baby portabello mushrooms, 1 tsp. nama shoyu, 1 tsp. olive oil, 1 garlic clove
• 5p, 1/4 c. of a failed carob, cacao, and jungle peanut experiment (no recipe will be given... it was so disappointing... I even overheated my Vitamix!)
• 7:45p, dinner out at Silly's: split an order of Sweet Potato Fries with Spicy Vegan Dip, FalSal (Greek salad minus the feta with falafel), 2 c. iced nettle tea (from home)
• 10p, 1/2 c. hot green tea
  

Today's Observations
OK. I've finally figured out that soy makes me sick. After ramping up my raw percentage, I've found that wheat and yeast send me off into la-la land: nausea, headaches, fatigue. So, I've been pretty good about staying away from those. Then I realized that complex foods or fried foods shred my stomach. Got it. Cut almost all of those out. So, I was a little apprehensive about the fries and falafel today, but overall they sat pretty o.k. The thing that set me off twice today was the nama shoyu and the spicy vegan dip... that I later realized was made with Tofutti™ Cream Cheese. I had a bit of a headache after the mushies and another one after the dip. I was really nauseous though after the dip. I've read somewhere that soy should never be consumed in a non-fermented state, that it isn't fit for human consumption. Great feedback from my body then.

Food Quantities, Desire, Need

My history with food is riddled with my trying to judge appropriate food quantities. How do I do this? How does one listen to their body? For some, this is an easy task: when you're full, stop. Right. Well, it doesn't always work this way for me. Sometimes I don't know I'm full because my mind is so focused on how unbelievably good a dish is. All my attention is going into taking in the intricacies of the recipes, the atmosphere of the location, the desire that built up to having the food in the first place, the attitude of the company I'm with, if anyone.

And the other thing I've been wrestling with is making sure that my body is getting what it needs. But I eat a pretty varied diet and truly feel that my intuition should help me feed myself correctly. (Of course, this all depends on how well I'm listening.) It gets dangerous when I'm not hungry, but I find myself guilting into consuming a salad because my green intake has been low. That's not good.

I'm working on tools to encourage healthy communication between my belly and mind, my desires and needs.

Note: Capitalized recipes are my own - except when they're from the grocery store.

Day 10

• 8a, 1.5 c. apple cider
• 9:30a, 1/2 apple
• 10:30a, 2 c. of Black Bean Soup (cooked): 1 pound of dry black beans cooked, 6 c. water, 2 28 oz. cans of plum tomatoes, 1/2 pound Brussels sprouts, 10 garlic cloves, 1 medium zucchini, 1/4 c. Bragg Liquid Aminos™, 3 T. honey, 1 T. cumin, 1 tsp. oregano, 1 tsp. sea salt, 1/2 tsp. chipotle powder
• 1:15p, 1/2 recipe of Superfood IceScream: 2 trays of ice, 1/3 c. homemade tahini, 1/4 c. honey, 2 T. carob, 1 T. mesquite powder, 1/4 c. of leftover ripple topping (ripple topping was 1/2 c. carob, 1/2 c. cacao powder, 1/2 c. honey, 2 T. coconut oil, 1/2 tsp. MacaPro™, 1/4 tsp. sea salt)
• 3:30p, 2 c. spring water
• 4p, 1.5 c. Moroccan Couscous with Almonds and Cranberries (cooked, from grocery deli)
• 4:30p, 2 pieces Chunks o' Energy™ Carob and Spirulina
• 6p, 1 very tiny local plum (so adorable!)
• 7:30p, 1/4 of the following salad concoction: 2 bunches of kale, 1 bunch of spinach, 8 small tomatoes, 1/3 c. conventional olives, 3 pinches of sea salt, 3 T. olive oil, 3 T. balsamic vinegar, 1/3 c. sunflower seeds, 1 garlic clove, 3 T. hemp seeds, 3 T. chia seeds, 1/3 c. nutritional yeast
  

Today's Observations
Been focusing a lot on feeling food in the belly today. Of all the things I ate today, the Superfood IceScream really resonated with me. There's something about it that just feels so powerful. Want to try some different superfood combos. I've also been noticing that my diet is sweet-centered. Is that an issue?